The Judge

The man who started it all. Reminiscing on the 1983 national title team, with yet another great quote in a nice piece from today’s Herald:

”I like to say that the University of Miami taught the other schools in Florida how to win the national championship,” Schnellenberger said. “I just didn’t realize the others were so hard-headed that Miami had to do it four times before they learned how to do it themselves.”

His feet are light and nimble. He never sleeps. He says that he will never die. He dances in light and in shadow and he is a great favorite. He never sleeps, Howard. He is dancing, dancing. He says that he will never die.

One quick transfer follow up regarding a quote from Marve:

“I loved being a ‘Cane and I’ll always be a ‘Cane.”

Umm. No. Sorry.

Ryan Mallet said the same thing after bolting Michigan following Rich Rod’s hire. That he’ll always be a Michigan Man. No, you won’t Ryan. And sorry Robert, but when you go to another school in the South somewhere, after you get whoever you have working for you to lessen the (ridiculously harsh) terms of the transfer release, you will be known as the QB for said new team, and the transfer from Miami. If you happen to start for said team for your remaining eligible years (two), and especially if you do well (no reason not to think so with right OC), you will be known as a (insert new team from South here). Not a Cane.

Someone check his tote bag before he leaves the Hecht Compound! He’s gonna try and schlep some firearms and ammunition!

Aarrr! I think this here ship will take me to Gainesville! Yarr!

“I know that Robert’s relationship with Randy is certainly not a buddy-buddy relationship.”   That quote is from Robert Marve’s high school coach, Robert Weiner.

Ouch. That says it all. When you are QB 1, when you are Matt Saracen, you have to be close to the coach. You just have to. However, as Marve said on his way out, Randy was not fair to him or Harris this year, with the quick in and outs, reminiscent of a teenage virgin. This obviously leaves Harris as the new QB 1, and will undoubtedly be better for the team in the short and long haul. Lest we all forget, you don’t really need two quarterbacks. Anyone behind Dorsey? Didn’t think so. (Sorry Crudup! I’ll never forget the 4th down pass completion in the Fiesta Bowl!) Tebow? Again, nope. Bradford, McCoy, you get the idea. This is college, you don’t need a backup. And you can’t go around worrying about all things negative. Harris is the man, be confident he will do well and not get hurt, all you Polly Prissy Pants Canes fans.

We bid you adios, Robert Marve. Don’t go to Florida. Or FSU. Or USF. Or, Tennessee. UCF? Sorry, can’t go their either. Oh, you’re thinking of not sitting out a year and trying your luck at Florida A&M? Eeehh, I hate to do this to you, but no can do. In fact, how about you go play somewhere in the Big 12, or maybe Rutgers? I hear the guy up there likes him some Florida guys. Let us know.  Just sign this thing right here before your way out, ok? No hard feelings?

It's No Huddle Time Bitches!!

Nix is out as OC, finally. He tries to throw Randy under the bus, however, on the way out.

“I enjoyed it here. I appreciated Randy giving me the opportunity,” Nix said. “I’d like to have gone with something more wide-open and more no-huddle. He and I had a philosophical difference on that.”

Que? Come again? So let me get this straight. You run such a “wide-open, no-huddle attack at GaTech, that opposing ACC DCs are salivating every week it’s time to play you? Or, better yet, when your team is in need of a mere touchdown, with 2:41 to play, after weeks of practice, you can’t even orchestrate more than 4 plays? Sounds to me like he was well-versed in a prototypical no-huddle fantasy. I bet the Canes led the nation in Spring Practice offense the past two years.

More to come in the following days once I run down possible succesors.

Sophomore RB Shawnbrey McNeal and back up Redshirt FR TE Daniel Adderley are set to leave the team, announcing their plans to the public immediately after the Emerald Bowl. Neither of these players played much, if any, this season, so this news hits really an empty note. Adios. Please turn in your rifle in the Hecht Athletic Center before leaving the compound.

Two Soldiers Down...

Miami finishes the year at 7-6, after a OK performance out west on the road. So much could be said about this game, but I will only hit on the main points.

Jacory Harris looked more than able to run an offense, and to run it productively. If this doesn’t facilitate the whiner Marve to transfer, I don’t know what will. Adios, Robbie.

Nix actually called a (relative to his standards) good game last night. The offense got in a groove after they settled in, and was moving the ball down the field with rather ease. However, before we even get into the atrocities that occurred twice (!), I did have one huge gripe with his play calling. Miami kept running this hybrid trap-counter play, that did not work one time, yet they persistently kept using it. Basically, they came out in an I formation, and the fullback went right. The tailback went left, and then immediately did a cut back to the right, insinuating a trap. However, Harris would show he was handing off to the left side immediately after taking the snap, thus negating any surprise factor. Let alone the fact the fullback was long gone into the line by the time the tailback got the ball.

The switch to the Pro-Set. Loved it. And I hope this is a continued staple going forward. If I could chose, I would want the Pro-Set to be my offense, a la USC. The Spread obviously works, but for it to work in the upper echelon of the country, you either need a smart as shit QB (Harrell, Bradford, Daniel) or a once in a generation hybrid who is also your best running back (Tebow). In the Pro-Set, all you need is a heady guy who can make plays when asked, not unlike the NFL. And once Miami started running the ball straight ahead, no gimmicky bullshit misdirections, Lee Chambers was bursting off 6.7 yards per carry.

That defense. Unbelievable. How you don’t have 9 men in the box, every single play, astounds me. Cal should have won this game by 4 touchdowns, if Tedford would’ve just kept himself out of his own way. It was obvious in the first quarter Longshore was benched for a reason; he sucks ass. Cal couldn’t throw the ball anywhere. The only time they got first downs throwing was when a Cane would miss a tackle. So instead of cramming the line with defenders, and ignoring the fact Cal was spreading the field to better it’s rushing attack, Bill Young plays right into their hands, put more DB’s on the field, and voila. An already great runner just tears apart an already horrific rushing defense.

Enough with the pleasantries. Game. Clock. Management. You have got to be fucking kidding me. And anyone who claims this falls on the Harris is a full blown retard, or even worse, a Gator fan. Lets start with the drive before the half. 1:00 remaining, down by 7, ball near midfield, offense just scored. One would think Miami would want to drive down the field, get at least a field goal, have huge momentum in killing a 14-0 deficit, get the ball back after the half, and take their first lead. Right? Am I loco for thinking this? I must be. Because instead of doing any of those things, Miami let the clock run out after a succession of plays. But not run plays. Pass plays. Plays where Harris could throw a pick, be sacked, fumble, whatever. Literally, if you were to ask any right minded OC what he would NOT do in that situation, I do believe letting the clock run on a potential game tying drive by using three passes would be right at the top of the list.

Normally, a drive like that would be the headliner to horrible game clock management. Hahaha. Not so fast my chipmunk friend. The drive to end the game was mind blowing. I don’t even want to talk about it in detail, so I won’t. One stat will say it all for me: Had the ball with 1:00 remaining, and ran one play from then until 0:13 left. Thank you, Patrick Nix.

Nix, however, it not solely at fault here. He calls the plays, he runs the offense, but when are we all going to rightfully start putting blame on Randy? You are responsible for who you hire. Nix is a complete joke, and should be fired. But Randy? Letting this monstrosity occur twice in a game, with a month to prepare? A total fucking joke. And as my esteemed colleague MBC pointed out, how can not one of the other assistant coaches, offense or defense, stand up to Randy, and yell into his ear to take a goddamn time out! Do they not want the team to win? Do they believe their side of the ball is autonomous from Randy’s wrath? Or does Randy have a bunch of Yes Men at his disposal? MBC careened this idea, and I support it: Miami needs someone who is overseeing this program. Who brings Randy into a weekly meeting on the status of the program, who has veto power. This is Randy’s first HC gig, and he has proven so far to have glaring game day decision making ineptitude. We need someone higher up who can make the tough decisions, lay down the hammer, until Randy learns it on his own, if that ever happens.

One last note on this game clock dis-management. Miami only used 11 out of their allotted 15 bowl game practices. Nice. One plus one does equal one play is 47 seconds this time around.

Overall, going 7-6 vs. 8-5 really is meaningless. On paper, it’s a huge difference. In reality, it means nothing. Randy will still bring in the recruits. But this game will go down, to me, as the point where I lost my blind faith in Randy’s ability to turn this thing around and win a national title. He still can right the ship, and that means bringing in a proven OC, outside the ACC, with an actual track record of making players better and out coaching a defense. In the next few weeks, we will see if that happens.

Until that day, Lieutenant Anton wishing all you fucking soldiers happy recruiting season.

I was out seeing a fantastic flick in Benjamin Button, so did not see this news earlier. Yet another Cane is out for Saturday’s game. Not that he would make a difference. Chris Ivory, the team’s long snapper, the latest to be suspended, for yet another unspecified team rule. But, he is the team’s most valuable walk on, for what that’s worth. We shouldn’t take the long snapper being out too lightly however. I was the long snapper in high school, damn sweet at it as well. And one game, my best one ever, I snapped the ball over the punter’s head three times! And two for safeties. So, it goes to show, you never want to mess with the long snapper.

Baby please don't go!

We all know by now how Robert Marve was suspended for supposedly being late to class, he is frustrated, wants to transfer, blah, blah, blah. I just wanted to throw my opinion in here before he makes a final decision. First off, I am not the type who think the following are ever good for a team, in any sport:  

1) addition by subtraction of an extremely talented player  

2) losing a game before a tourney to ‘get it out of them’   

Namely #2, which is complete and total bullshit. But the one important to this discussion is #1, about getting rid of Marve, or not caring that he transfers, because he doesn’t want to be here anymore. Again, total BS. You always, always, always want as much talent as you can get. Any coach worth a damn will always tell you that. They would always have the talent, and deal with the headaches that go with it. You know the only time you hear how it was great so and so left? After the fact, when said team has proven to be successsful without said star player. Competition is always better for a team, at any position. The real problem lies in playing head games with the players, killing their confidence, and forcing them to think they have to make a great play every drive (I’m looking at you Randy and Patty Nix). Terrell Waldon told me as much when he helped me move into my new place. I must say, great guy, extremely nice. Talked Canes shop with me for a solid 20 minutes, and even showed me his 2004 Orange Bowl ring. But as a mover? Fuck. They sucked. I was moving more shit than him and his work mover buddy did. But hey, we’re all fucking soldiers in this together.

I want to get this up now, so I am not internally pressured to hit out a preview post Saturday at 6pm, most likely inebriated out of boredom leading up to the game.

No grass infield, ok guys? Please?

Emerald Bowl

San Francisco, CA

AT&T Park

Miami Hurricanes (7-5) vs. California Golden Bears (8-4)

Cal is a 7.5 point favorite in this contest, and I can’t find a reason to suggest otherwise. Miami went on a relatively great run mid-season, cranking out 5 straight wins after a 2-3 start, but many of those were close contests, and the offense looked abysmal in most of them.

What does Miami need to win? Zero turnovers for starters, some Go Fast Boats, Crockett with a grenade in hand about to paint the wall Jose Yero, and a new OC. In reality, what they need is to jump out to an early lead, and allow their quickly improving D-Line to pin their ears back, and hopefully create more turnovers. The secondary just didn’t have it this year, but the line-backing corps, led by the Lightning on a Stick Sean Spence, can shut down Cal’s pass happy mid-range game. However, it is Jahvid Best I’m worried about.

If we all grew badass handlebar mustaches, this one would already be in the bag.

Prior to the debacle at GTech, Miami was notorious for being able to handle option teams of any kind, dating back to the Oklahoma wishbone days (Ja-may-yell……Come out and play-ayyyy!)*. They tore up the fake fullback dive, the quarterback, and pitchman, in perfect succession. Then you hear about Randy telling them to tackle high, to go for turnovers. I was aghast. Randy, randy, randy. You’re telling  your ridiculously young and undisciplined D to go for turnovers against a bigger, more disciplined option attack? Ugh. Regardless, lets hope the fact Cal doesn’t run the option will cease that point moot.

Cal was, on paper, ever so close to winning the Pac-10 and playing in the Rose Bowl. In reality, Cal never beats USC, and loses to in-conference teams it shouldn’t, every year. No wonder Tedford was up for the Michigan job last year! Their offense was very lackluster compared to some recent years, but they beat a good Michigan State team to open the season. In fact, none of their losses look all that bad. USC, Oregon State are the obvious. Arizona doesn’t look so bad anymore, and @ Maryland is debatable, but they were in the running for the division title until the last week of the year.

This game means absolutely nothing to Cal, and hopefully they are lulled to sleep by playing at home. Miami needs this one bad, and Randy needs it even more. The difference between 8-5 and 7-6, this year, after how this team’s O looked, is astronomical. Nix’s job shouldbe on the line, whether that is true is to be determined. There is no excuse this week with Harris having a whole year of experience, and getting 100% of the snaps. Miami should fare better against the more straight forward running style of Best, and can keep it close. I just don’t see a victory emerging. Cal 34, Miami 24. Get out those brooms and torches Soldier Boi’s. We on the hunt for a new OC!

Lets hope I’m wrong, and…..Go Canes!

* Reading Boys Will Be Boys: The Glory Days and Party Nights of the Dallas Cowboys Dynasty. In a word: hilarious. It is a great stand alone about the Cowboys’ debauchery of the time, but with Jimmy Johnson and Michael Irvin all over the book, the great Canes’ stories of the ’80s are relived. For those of you newbies, this is one of the best:

In late September of 1986, top-ranked Oklahoma came to town to play the No. 2 Hurricanes at the Orange Bowl. Switzer’s Sooners were led by linebacker Brian Bosworth, the Sports Illustrated cover boy with the multicolored flattop haircut. The night before kickoff, neither Miami tailback Melvin Bratton nor his roommate, fullback Alonzo Highsmith, could sleep. “It’s five-thirty in the morning and I’m just lying there looking around,” Bratton said. “Me and High are like kids at Christmas. We are so ready to get their ass. Oklahoma’s been getting all the hype. It’s Bosworth this and Bosworth that. I said, ‘High, fuck the Boz and fuck that fade haircut of his. Let’s call that sonofabitch and wake his ass up.’”

Bratton had heard the Sooners were staying at the Fontainebleau Hilton. He called the front desk and was patched through to Bosworth’s room.

     “Hello?”

     “Is this Boz?” Bratton asked.

     “Yeah …”

     “Well, this is Melvin fuckin’ Bratton and Alonzo Highsmith, and this is your fucking wake-up call, motherfucker! And at high noon we’ll see your sorry ass in the Orange Bowl and we’re gonna kick your fucking ass!”

As soon as Bosworth hung up, Bratton and Highsmith told Hurrican defensive lineman Jerome Brown of the “exchange.” Brown summoned the entire defense to his dorm room, from which they called the hotel and asked to be connected to Sooners quarterback Jamelle Holieway. “Ja-may-al, come out and paaa-lay-yay,” Brown taunted, “Come on out, Ja-may-al!”

I was just watching my Dynasty Series DVD of the Miami Hurricanes 5 national titles, and it got me thinking of a good parallel for the 2001 team vs. my favorite Canes team, the 2002 version. What would that be? Well, none other than Godfather, Parts 1 & 2. Lets get this shit on a hoagie.

Starting at the top:

Both dynasties were lead by a true leader. One that gave a legendary game changing speech. “I swear, on the lives of my grandchildren, that I put my heart in this shit dawg! I put my heart in this!” Vito cleared the way for his successor to return to the States, thereby allowing for his eventual revenge. Ed Reed 2-0 got the floundering Canes back on track at halftime of the FSU game. To avenge the title game appearance the Seminoles stole from the Canes in the 2000 season, Reed put them all back on track to a deserved blow out win, ending FSU’s 54 game unbeaten streak at home, before it surpassed the Canes own undefeated run.  

In the Godfather Part 2, you had new stars emerging from out of nowhere. Frank Pantangeli, Hyman Roth, Johnny Ola, and namely a young Vito Corleone. New stars that, in my mind, made the sequel better than the first. Exactly like my opinion of the 2002 Canes squad. You had an emerging secondary, led by first year starter Sean Taylor, and freshman Antrel Rolle. Vince Wilfork manning the middle. Andre Johnson returning a year better, and with some great summer courses to keep his mind sharp. Kellen Winslow showing the most talent at TE in the Canes already superb history at the position. But namely, you had the nation wondering, who would replace the horse in the backfield, the star of the 2001 squad, Clinton Portis? Well, you had your De Niro, already here. Willis McGahee tore through the entire season, breaking out on the road in the Swamp, his “burning towel Fanucci” moment. 

You have the tradegy in both Part 2’s: Michael emerging victorious, but losing his entire family doing so, and Willis going down right when the Canes offense is gaining momentum in the Fiesta Bowl. 

Michael, I will live off this blown PI call for many, many years...

Wish that was you Larry....

With all the great hub bub for Mickey Rourke and Darren Aronofsky for his new film The Wrestler, I just want to quickly say one thing. Can all you higher than thou critics and reviewers please stop bashing The Fountain while  you praise this new Aronofsky flick? “The Fountain” was great, albeit an acquired taste. To most simple minds, it was merely an onslaught of colors and visions, a mere cinematography clusterfuck. If these simpletons would only truly immerse themselves in the plot of the story, they would realize its achievements. Sure, it is not Requiem, or even Pi. So fucking what? PTA’s three best films are, in order, There Will Be Blood, Magnolia, and Boogie Nights, but that doesn’t keep me from realizing Punch-Drunk Love is also a great movie and would be some of the best work of a different auteur’s entire career.

Do you need a mattress?

Hopefully this new version Aronofsky is spitting out in who knows how many years will bring new life to these naysayers.

What are you looking at Ricky? The scoreboard?

….One of them is an imminently a better coach. One of them has made much more money in their profession. One of them actually built up programs. One of them will continue to get jobs, no matter the results. But on this day, in this picture, the OTHER one said, “You’re my BITCH, bitch. Have a fun flight home. Bitch.” The Okie at his finest. 65-7.

This is one of my favorites pictures ever.

Greg..huh, huh..it looks like the one I got a few years back...think I can keep it?

At least this bowl name changed from what it used to be; Diamond Walnut San Francisco Bowl. Now it’s merely the Emerald Bowl. Although, Emerald is the brand name of the Diamond snack nuts division. Now that would be a much better bowl name. But, no blue turf equals a real bowl game in my mind, no matter the redundant, ridiculous, Pac-10 home field advantage. You want to be taken seriously as a conference? Try getting some better tie-ins, and going east of the Rockies.

Well, that was quick. I was going to do a follow up on Kelly’s career to date, focusing on the juggernaut he built at D2 Grand Valley State, but…..Kelly to stay at Cincy. Great for the Independents of the world, horrible for the Big East. Cincy should win the conference round robin 4 out of 5 years. Well, if he actually stays for more than another year or so. 

And hey! Notre Dame will be open again next year! 

Brian Kelly is awesome. This entire post could end right there. Being a Michigan fan to go along with my Canes fevor, this is the second worst possibility for the Wolverines (first is Urban Meyer, but that’s for another post). Most people would come to this conclusion. I, however, have insider information. Albeit, not fantastic insider info, but some nonetheless. 

You see, I fancied myself a college football player coming out of high school. Despite the fact I was a 5′10” 175 pound middle linebacker, I figured I could just make the switch to SS no problem. I mean, come on, right? They’re the same position, almost. Watch the ball, make the read, destroy. Just do it from a few yards further back. I was the quintessential Zach Thomas*. Smart white boy, just making plays. All Conference, All Area, All County. I can make the transition! So I attended the U with the sole intention of trying out for the football team. I didn’t tell anyone this of course. I wanted it to be a nice suprise. “Oh. Yeah. The team that just won the national title? Yeah. I’m on it. Only play Special Teams. I’m their Scott Kowalkowski. Thanks.”

Nothing wrong with being awesome at only one thing!

After working out so intensely over Xmas break that my roomates thought I was on ‘roids (backne was a problem back then) I was on the field for tryouts. Then fucking Jeff Merk’s bitch ass informs me, who is on the field lacing up my cleates, that Coach Coker needs us to fill out some paperwork. Thirty minutes later, I’m sick of sitting in the SID’s office, so I just march on over to Coker’s office myself. “Hey coach, I’m here to tryout.” “Hey son, you need to talk to Jeff over here.” And then he put his headphones over his shoulder, leaned in, and started clapping. Kidding about the clapping part. But he did take off his headphones. They gave us the run around, told us sorry, actually no tryouts this spring, come back in the fall. Thanks. Bitches!

You think these Okies will give me some good coin for my ring?

ANYWAYS. Left Miami, too expensive to stay another year, enrolled at Grand Valley. Brian Kelly is the coach there. Was on the team for a semester (left for reasons unnecessary to detail in this post). You can tell immediately this guy knows what he’s doing. Has the personality, the arrogance, to get it done. People probably know the rest by now: Wins two D2 titles, one runner up, takes Central Michigan to MAC title in three years, and now Cincinnati in Orange Bowl. I was hoping he went to Tennessee. Have fun in that conference. But now he is in heavy talks for the Notre Dame job. And as a secondary Michigan fan, this is not good. He knows how to coach up lesser players. He’s proven it. He’s proven he can win at all levels. He has tons of connections in the Michigan/Indiana/Illinois area (Grand Valley is in western Michigan). Other than the potential Meyer love fest, again, Kelly is the best coach on the board. Let’s hope he goes to Washington, and finally creates a fucking program in the Pac 10 that can win the conference when they random selection beat USC once every three years. 

Of course, I fully expect Rich Rod to get his shit together, and destroy the Big 10 with the attitude of Bill to the Bride. Sadistic and shit. All of this will not matter once Rich Rod knows it’s his baby. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want a free, overrated, out of conference win every year for the next 30 years.

Do you find me sadistic? You will.

*Saw Zach Thomas at Monty’s Raw Bar in the last Saban year mid-season. After early nerves, finally walked up to him and told him how in high school he was my God. How I wore #35, and that everyone questioned my jersey choice, and how I picked it because it is what he wore in college at Texas Tech. Talk about perfect life situation explanation!