This post is entirely non-football centric, unless you consider the ability to ride a comfy ass train downtown to watch football all day while getting extremely drunk a great time (I do). Having just moved back to NYC, I know full well the incredible advantages of public transportation. Originally, I hail from Detroit, and yes, I want to punch you in the face when you insult a place you have never set foot in.

Does Detroit look like shit? Sure does, just like every other city with abandoned warehouses compromising over 30% of the city (What? Most other cities don’t have that many empty houses?) Detroit has been in decay since the 1968 World Series winning Tigers team. Blacks riot = Scared Whiteys = Time to invest in surburban Home Depots.

Solution? Put all those people out of work with all that stimulus money and build some mutha effin short distance trains. Elevated trains all over downtown Detroit. Bullet trains from downtown all the way to East Lansing. Stops in Howell, Brighton, Wixom, Novi, Farmington, Livonia, Highland Park, Downtown. Run another line from Jackson. Goes through Chelsea, Ann Arbor, Canton, Dearborn, Downtown. Throw in one to and fro Chicago, Indianapolis, Columbus, and Cleveland as well.

People coming downtown more often = Stores opening downtown to profit = Real estate upgrades = People move back downtown = Detroit becomes Chicago-lite, as it should’ve been all along.

Where’s all the money going to come from? Sheeeeeeeeeeet. Anton don’t wanna know.

Done and done. Anton saving the country, one post at a time.

Fake retro rivalry week!

Seems Miami could’ve had themselves another Heisman-winning QB. Jason White visited Coral Gables in high school, and was absolutely smitten. Which coach almost pulled off this ‘diamond in the rough’ feat? Well, none other than the Okie himself, Larry Coker. Who gave the tip about this no name Whitey from nowheresville Oklahoma? His brother of course!

Lee Coker, the brother of then-Miami offensive coordinator Larry Coker, was Tuttle’s superintendent. Lee Coker supplied his brother with Tuttle tapes, and Larry Coker liked what he saw.

Larry had connections everywhere! Why, he got Kirby Freeman because he was once in a layover in Brownwood and did a meet and great with the local 7-11 franchise owner.

Doing some revisionist history here, landing Jason White to follow Ken Dorsey could have saved Larry Coker’s difficulty of landing a real QB. Perhaps Larry is still around, running his finger down the Rivals Top 100, pointing and clicking, telling his assistants to fly here tomorrow, this guy has a good rating.

Or…….

Inevitability. The universe corrects itself. Kyle Wright, seeing the Miami kitchen is full, goes to OU, wins the Heisman, and becomes the first round pick he should have been. Jason White is total bust, this time it’s Buck Ortega who swings the helmet on FIU, and Larry goes home to brother Okie and becomes a high school QB coach for life. Man I feel bad for that high school team.

Rank	Team	Delta
1	Alabama
2	Texas
3	Florida
4	Virginia Tech	11
5	Boise State	3
6	Cincinnati	4
7	Houston	16
8	LSU	4
9	Southern Cal	3
10	Oregon	15
11	Nebraska	5
12	Ohio State	1
13	Oklahoma	7
14	South Florida
15	Miami (Florida)	9
16	Iowa
17	Oklahoma State	7
18	Michigan	4
19	TCU	2
20	California	15
21	Georgia
22	South Carolina
23	Penn State	16
24	Brigham Young	5
25	Mississippi	16
Last week’s ballot

Dropped Out: Washington (#11), Florida State (#18), North Carolina (#21), Notre Dame (#22).

This is one of those weeks when you want to give a top 10 and leave it be.

-Va Tech pounded my #6 team, so I believe they deserve to take their place, +2.

-LSU drops with UW’s loss to Stanford. They are probably still a little high, but they did still beat the team who beat USC. This early in the season that still means something.

-Cincinnati continues its run towards an irrelevant undefeated season. They best hope all other BCS teams have one loss, and Boise is only other undefeated.

-Oregon cast another stone stating the first week they played their worst game possible against a top 10 team, and still only lost by 11.

-Houston proved they were no fluke, surviving the Pirate Genius and successfully coming back late at home.

-USF vs. Cincy in a couple weeks looks like the new Big East title game.

Any comments or gripes let me know; this week’s ballot was difficult.

I knew I should have done Angelo Pappas quotes

“The U might be back, but we never left,” said Virginia Tech cornerback Rashad Carmichael.

True indeed. Miami was embarrassed throughout the game, and also embarrassing. Dropped passes, missed tackles, zero pass protection.

To be honest, I was worried the second Mark “Fucking Douchebag” May picked Miami on Friday night. You know when he is picking Miami, a team he so utterly despises, that any opponent with a pulse will be pulling out the motivation card full tilt. Lo and behold, Miami is still not talented enough to overcome a higher motivated opponent.

After the first quarter Harris fumble, and ensuing touchdown giveaway, my mind raced immediately back to 2003. Va Tech jumps to an early lead at home against a “media’s darling” Miami team, grabs some more well deserved bounces, and the rout is on. Once Jimmy Graham dropped two straight passes that would have turned the entire outcome of the game on its head, the Kevin Everett flashbacks wouldn’t stop until 6am. Did Graham lose the game? Of course not. The inability to protect Harris was the reason Miami lost this game. Everyone knew Miami could get down even two scores and come back on Beamer’s teams. They just don’t score enough, and fast enough, to truly blow out any team.

The halftime adjustments by Whipple proved successful, if for only a little while. Harris went to three step drops, instead of the 5-7 he usually does, and Miami strode down the field for a patented two minute drive to open the third quarter. Every Miami fan is now thinking “OK, OK, one stop, another score, we got them on their heels, tie the game, win it late!” The difference? Bud Foster, my friends.

Bud Foster proved once again he has the football mind to be a head coach, oh, ten years ago. Who knows his reasoning for never stepping up to the throne. Regardless, his defenses are always top notch, and yesterday afternoon was no different. Harris had never been pressured this season, and when your offense is predicated on deep throws, you need time to see the field. I knew the Whipple had been schooled on this afternoon when Harris threw his game clinching pick. ABC showed us the replay: Miami ran one of their double routes that has worked so brilliantly for two games. What did Va Tech CB Rashad Carmichael do? He stared right at Harris, did not bite on any WR fake, as he was no doubt coached to do by Foster, and stepped right into the throw. Game over.

This coming week against Oklahoma will tell us a lot about Mark Whipple’s playcalling. Bud Foster is a great defensive mind. Stoops has that same mind, but he also has NFL talent across the board. Whipple needs to rig the game in Miami’s favor, stack the line if need be, throw in some wrinkles to let Harris throw. Whipple’s offense works, and it works well. The receivers were open yesterday, Harris just couldn’t get them the ball.

We will never know how much the rain affected this team, but hello people, both teams were poured on like Noah. For all the Miami passes one could say were incomplete due to the rain, I will counter that every single Va Tech running back cut was like he was on ice. They would come to a near complete stop, then turn directions. Yet Miami still couldn’t tackle them! If it was a clear Virginia night, Miami would have had Ga Tech Running Horror II on their hands for all we know.

I am the biggest Randy supporter. I want him to succeed sooooo badly, it makes me sick when anyone rails on him to be fired. He is the only coach who will stay at Miami and not use it for an NFL job. Plain and simple. Miami doesn’t need him to succeed. The program has already proven it can take any coach, literally, and with great recruiting win a national title or five. However, with that coaching turnover comes program turnover. With Randy, Miami can be top 10 material for 15 years running. With that said, I still have one ongoing gripe. For two years now, when the shit hits the fan, Randy stands on the sideline like a father who is pissed off like all hell at his son, but refuses to help them out because he wants them to learn something. I love Randy, but I am sick of him standing there with a combination scowl/bewilderment stare on his face. Do something. Yell at someone. Fire up the players. Get in the faces of the assistants. Literally, just do SOMETHING.

When all is said and done, a 2-2 start is still a great start to the season. The ACC is still open for the taking, and I still see Miami running the rest of the conference slate undefeated. Oklahoma next week, 8pm start, definitely the Gameday crew. Perhaps more than 40K show up? Nah.

Civilization is crumbling.

Nah, jus keedin! It’s only 2003 all over again.

Good thing we don’t play a mediocre Tennessee team next week.

Miami 2-0 (2-0) @ Virginia Tech 2-1 (0-0)

Lane Stadium

Blacksburg, VA

(ed. note: We came upon this transcript in Mark Whipple’s office, no doubt his speech notes should he have been allowed to speak to the press this week.)

Three plays, 80 yards, my offense. 100% pure adrenaline!

It’s basic mid-tier ACC psychology. If you scare them and get them peeing down their leg, they submit. But if you project weakness, call HB draws before establishing the passing game, that promotes violence, and that’s how Jacory gets hurt.

Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true. Ask any Larry Coker apologist.

If you want the ultimate, you’ve got to be willing to pay the ultimate price. It’s not tragic to die doing what you love. And I love throwing on first down.

I know you Bud Foster. I know you want me so bad it’s like acid in your mouth. But, not this time. Have fun stopping my horses on the outside.

Look at it! It’s a once in a lifetime offensive scheme, Randy! Let me go out there and let me get one wave, just one wave of play calls before you reign me in. I mean, come on Randy, what am I gonna call that’s crazy? Sidelines on both sides! I’m not gonna wide receiver screen Patrick Nix my way to New Zealand! Come on, compadre. Come on!

ACC, this is your fucking wake up call! I was an EN EFF EL Assistant! I know Ben Roethlisberger! I coached Donovan McNabb! Ain’t it wild? That’s what makes it so interesting. You can do what you want, and make up your own rules. Why be a servant to the law, when you can be it’s master?

Official Prediction: Miami 28, Virginia Tech 17

Rank	Team	Delta
1	Alabama	3
2	Texas	1
3	Florida	2
4	LSU	4
5	California
6	Miami (Florida)	12
7	Penn State
8	Boise State	2
9	Mississippi
10	Cincinnati	7
11	Washington
12	Southern Cal	10
13	Ohio State	1
14	Michigan	7
15	Virginia Tech	1
16	Nebraska	1
17	TCU	5
18	Florida State
19	Brigham Young	13
20	Oklahoma	1
21	North Carolina	1
22	Notre Dame
23	Houston
24	Oklahoma State
25	Oregon
Last week’s ballot

Dropped Out: Georgia Tech (#11), Utah (#13), Kansas (#20), Georgia (#25).

Lots of movers and shakers this week, as some resemblance of resume voting can be established.

-Florida drops out of #1 due to the fact Tennessee really would be better off with a catfish at QB, and they only beat them by 10 points at home. UF will need to beat a team with a pulse at some point this season, and then I’ll be happy to put them back at the top.

-LSU moves up considerably with their road win against Washington looking like a true pelt.

-Washington in top spot of one loss teams. They have only lost to LSU, and just beat USC. No questions there.

-Miami shoots up the rankings this week. FSU demolished BYU, so that road win goes back to being top notch, and the Hurricanes’ offense looks unstoppable.

Miami > FSU > BYU > Oklahoma. This early in the season, you can get away with that linear thought equation. Coulter/Kos Award here I come! Also, in all non-practical terms, Miami has already beaten OU. Why do we have to play them twice this year?

-Cincinnati keeps looking better and better. A shame they started unranked and play in the Big East, for they have zero shot at anything other than a repeat Orange Bowl appearance.

-Re-evaluated TCU, did not like what I saw, dropped them five spots to #17.

2-0.

Not only the overall record, but also the conference record. Against two of the top three teams in the ACC. One could not envision a better start to the 2009 season. Randy Shannon just inked his extension, and let me tell you, it will be expensive. Kirby should have signed him when he had the (7-6) chance. Nonetheless, in the end, we all win.

One could have been worried with Georgia Tech’s opening drive. All runs, and Miami couldn’t stop them. Bend but don’t break is this season’s defensive mantra, and the Canes D held true to form. One field goal later, in all actuality this game was over. Thanks for coming down Yellow Jackets. It was nice of you to show up. Why? Because the first drive led by Jacory Harris was 2000-02 Dorsey-esque. Two minutes or less, right down the field, unstoppable in every form. You knew right away Miami was going to score at will the entire game, and all the D needed was a few stops. Jacory Harris + Mark Whipple = Junior year Ken Dorsey. Drops back, is never touched, takes as long as he wants to find open ass fast as fudge receivers.

Harris was 20 of 25 for 270 yards and 3 TDs. Two incompletions were drops. Another was TE Jimmy Graham deflecting a pass intended for Leonard Hankerson. The bastards. The guy is just on a tear. I cannot wait until Miami hits the “easy” part of their schedule. This is the season Miami starts bringing back the fear of their opponents. The ACC middle tiers will start to circle Miami on their calendar as an automatic loss. As it should have been since 2004.

Miami is now 14-2 all time in Thursday nighters, 10-0 at home. Got damn, Jimmy. That is some serious gourmet shit. We woulda been satisfied with some freeze-dried, taster’s choice! Last year’s debacle in Atlanta, and a narrow loss to Pittsburgh in 1997 are the only blemishes on the Thursday night record.

This game makes me happy not only for this season, but for the future against Paul Johnson-led teams. He will eventually get much better players running his triple option, but Miami showed tonight it won’t matter. This defense has zero depth outside of the D-line, and still stopped them cold save the first drive. Now that’s some good shit, mein.

One negative, if we’re nitpicking? 45,329 in attendance. Green tarps in the upper deck covering all the empty seats. Pathetic, but what’s new with Miami football? Atlanta fans aren’t coming down to Miami Gardens for a Thursday nighter, and we all know Canes fans don’t show up unless it’s Florida State. But what happened to the Thursday night sold out rule? Even Texas A&M a couple years back filled up the old OB. Good thing Miami doesn’t need a home crowd to play well.

After last week I wanted an ACC title game appearance. This week, save for playing FSU again in Tampa, I want an ACC title. I still do not expect it, and that is not some reverse psychology. Contrary to popular opinion, if we cross our legs incorrectly at home we do not affect the outcome of any games. I just still feel like the youth and/or defense will cause a conference loss or two. Watching this offense for two weeks, I realistically believe an ACC Championship is the new ceiling for this squad. Before the season started, a 2-2 start, regardless of whom the wins came against, I said I would be very happy. Well, we already have our 2-2 start. Lets just say I am very happy. Muwahahaha.

♫♫ Jacory Jacory, so good to me,
Whipple Whipple, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Thursday night game, Thursday  night game could guarantee
That Thursday night win, you would still be here with me. ♫♫

Again, 0-4 can go fuck itself. Along with all you Randy haters.

Georgia Tech 2-0 (1-0) @ Miami 1-0 (1-0)

Land Shark Stadium

Miami Gardens, FL

No, I don’t never sleep too much. Triple option week and all. I have to sleep with one eye open, and I only got one eye, right?… I’m forty-three. Forty-three years old. You know how I stayed alive this long? All these years? Speed. The spectacle of speedy acts. Somebody steals from me, I call on Ed Reed to run a pick six. He offends me, I sick Kenny Phillips on him with a contract hit across the middle. He rises against me, I cut off his head, stick it on a pike, raise it high up so all the ACC can see. Then I draw an unsportsmanlike penalty. Before they even existed. That’s what preserves the order of things. Speed. Late hits. Taunting. And beating Texas 46-3. That team last week, who were they? A nobody. A coward. Almost lost to Jacksonville State. What an ignominious end that would have been. This week, the Johnson and me, we live by the same principles. Only the triple option divides us. He gave me this, you know. That was the finest beating I ever took. My face was pulp, my guts was pierced, my players, all embarrassed. And when he finished me, I couldn’t look him in the eye. He spared me because he wanted me to live in shame. To watch the replay for 12 months. Dwyer up the middle. Dwyer on the outside. This was a great man. A great man. So I cut out the eye that looked away. Sent it to him wrapped in green and orange paper. I would have cut ‘em both out if I could have fought him blind. This week, I rise back up again with a full heart, a new Whipple, and bury him in his own triple option blood….

A challenge.

Challenge accepted.

Official Prediction: Miami 37, Georgia Tech 21

Rank	Team	Delta
1	Florida
2	Southern Cal
3	Texas
4	Alabama
5	California
6	Brigham Young	3
7	Penn State
8	LSU
9	Mississippi	1
10	Boise State	3
11	Georgia Tech
12	TCU	4
13	Utah	2
14	Ohio State	2
15	Nebraska	2
16	Virginia Tech	7
17	Cincinnati	2
18	Miami (Florida)	4
19	Oklahoma	1
20	Kansas	1
21	Michigan	3
22	North Carolina	4
23	Houston
24	Oklahoma State	18
25	Georgia
Last week’s ballot

Dropped Out: Florida State (#22), Notre Dame (#25).

-Miami drops to #18 due to their FSU win losing some luster.

-Va Tech moves up to #16 after I reconsidered their loss to Alabama, and see them in a slightly better light. Also, it’s rather difficult right now to fill up the teens after only two games.

-I’m proud of myself for ranking Michigan last week, and they move up three spots after shutting up the “Sizable Schematic Advantage” from South Bend.

-TCU proved their pre-season ranking wasn’t a fluke; rather they just didn’t shit the bed like other teams (Okie State)

-Speaking of Oklahoma State: I don’t really know what to do with them. Do they suck? If so, that means Georgia really sucks. But does Georgia suck? They just put up 41 against South Carolina, yet gave up 37. Are they both good? Who the fudge knows. What I do know? Houston goes in front of them both.

Comments welcome, and if you do a good convincing job, I just may change the ballot.

Lets run through some numbers for ESPN College Football:

-5th most viewed regular season game? Miami v. FSU 1994.

-4th most viewed regular season game? Miami v. Florida 2008.

-2nd most viewed regular season game? Miami v. FSU 2009.

-1st most viewed game, post season included? Miami v. FSU 2006.

-Last year’s SEC championship of Alabama v. Florida was the highest rated game for CBS since? Miami v. Notre Dame 1990.

-Which broadcast, sports or non, “won the night” last December 27th? The 2008 Emerald Bowl, Miami v. California.

The facts obviously speak for themselves. Miami = Big Time Ratings. Love ‘em or (most likely) hate ‘em, the Hurricanes bring in the viewers. Hence, it is time for the Canes to go back to the great years of lore, and declare their independence from the college football world.

Miami could command a deal even better than Notre Dame, if they are willing to go heel. No team will ever beat the losers in South Bend for national prominence. This country is just too damn conservative religious for that to happen. However, if Miami endorses it’s “Hate the U” mentality, we could have a ratings bonanza on our hands. Go snag a deal with Fox, the hated network, a perfect match, and Miami would also have themselves one sweet ass schedule.

Do we stop playing ACC opponents? Of course not. Do we play only other Independents, or in other words, all the service academies plus Temple? Hells naw. Notre Dame annually plays four teams (USC, Navy, Michigan State, and Purdue). They have another three they play nearly every year (Michigan, Stanford, Pittsburgh). The Domers current deal with NBC expires in 2010 and is said to be $9 million per. You telling me Miami wouldn’t want that size of pie, to go along with any potential BCS money?

Try this Miami centric example on for size:

Yearly rotating opponents:

• Florida State
• South Florida
• Central Florida
• Florida Atlantic

Nearly every year opponents:

• Virginia Tech
• Boston College
• Rutgers
• Pittsburgh

Four extra teams (for this example only) that would normally rotate on “Home and Home” games:

• Florida
• Mississippi State
• Illinois
• Houston

Does that schedule, overall, look rather easy? Fuck yea it does! That’s the point! When you’re an Independent, and you’re good, you take advantage. Go take a look at those entire schedules the 80’s Miami teams were playing. They didn’t play the entire top 10. There was plenty of cupcakes. The reason everyone joined a conference was because of the guaranteed extra bowl money. 2004-2008 Miami would’ve gone broke without the ACC payout from the BCS.

Using this example, and considering the past 3 years or so, Miami would most likely play 4 ranked teams (FSU, UF, USF, VTech). If BC, Rutgers, or Pitt are having a quality year, they have another couple ranked opponents. Plus Miami gets to keep it’s Big East connection. The rest of the games are solely for recruiting purposes: Houston gets you Texas, MSU gets you the hotbed of the South, Illinois gets you the big, fat, caucasian Midwestern lineman. Every few years throw in a Pac 10 team for a West Coast footprint.

Once Miami gets top 10 humming again, this type of schedule would produce a guaranteed 9-10 wins a year, a BCS bowl, and only the rivalry FSU game plus the one tough yearly team (UF in this case) as toss-ups. At the same time, Miami gets wins against the Big Ten, SEC, Big East, and ACC. They even save on travel costs for all the in-state opponents, and will even play some away games to help ‘em out.

This is all in jest, for conference play is where it’s at nowadays. Still, someone get me Kirby and Donna on the line!

“What’s not to enjoy?” President Shalala said. “We’ve got an offense.”

Ah.

No, really. Ahhhhhhhhh.

Everyone, please let that quote sink in…….REAAAAAALLLLL DEEEEEEEEEP.

What did my Canes Consiglieri and I discuss at halftime? The sheer ecstasy of getting first downs. In a row. On the same drive. Our best quote? “How’s that for a fucking two minute drill!”

This was Randy Shannon’s first big win. The win we were all waiting for, two years running. The program changer. The UCLA circa 1998 for Butch Davis. A national title doesn’t show up on the doorstep after the program changer, so everyone please remain somewhat calm. It only shows promise for things to come.

Mark Whipple is the real deal. After one game I would not normally come to this conclusion. However, this FSU defense did not lack in talent. They got pressure, Jacory eluded it. They blitzed, Whipple had deep balls ready to be thrown. Even the shotgun running game, in a free sandwich stalemate with a Biscayne Bay hobo since 2005, was able to produce, including the game winning score.

The real turning point, the drive that made me a true believer regardless of the outcome, was the drive to tie the game at 31. Jacory converted three 3rd down passes, including one great YAC from Hankerson on a 3rd and 15. Jacory hit a crossing route in stride for another first down. He does the “backpedal away from middle pressure throw” like an NFL pro. As has been said ad nauseam already one day later, the kid is the real deal. We finally have our next Dorsey; he’ll even stay all four years.

One week ago, Miami was staring at a legitimate 0-4 start. Now, barely any chips falling where they may later, and my realistic self is envisioning a 3-1 top 15 beginning to a potentially fantastic season. In 1995, Gary Barnett thought his Northwestern Wildcats were one year away from Big Ten title contention. Lo and behold, you cannot wait when your players decide they want to step up. One Rose Bowl fantasy season later, we all know the outcome.

I can see this season shaping the same way for Miami. Everyone spoke of 2010 as the “national title” year. As much optimism as any Cane fan had coming into the season regarding Whipple’s offense over Nix, those ceilings were shot to shit after the first drive. My realistic best case scenario for Miami this year was a 2-2 start, followed by 1 more dropped game, for a 9-3 Gator/Peach Bowl finish. Now? I want that 3-1 start, near demand it, after seeing this offense click on snap one. After seeing the rest of the ACC drop a turd nugget for America, I want that ACC championship game appearance.

This is not to say that is what Miami’s future holds. In 10 days Miami will play it’s toughest game of the season, sans Bradford miraculously recovering from this first NFL contract ruining injury. Jim Lovett and Randy have some serious work to do regarding their back seven. Lets hope the fact two starters were out in the backfield, including “reminds me of Ed Reed” Vaughn Telemaque, created the noticeable volume in yardage allowed. Those saying Miami needn’t worry about GaTech, due to their stopping FSU’s ground game, well, I believe we were watching different games son. Ponder ran the QB draw at will, and I believe Jimbo Fisher simply decided (correctly) that he might as well score the fast and easier way, through the air. Paul Johnson’s triple option, which also knows how to pass, can and will tear Miami to shreds if they do not adjust substantially before next Thursday.

Randy said in his presser that this is now like an NFL season. If he meant the run to the playoffs, he is correct. Miami is sitting 1 game out of the Wild Card, and mathematically cannot afford to lose. Last week was the biggest game of the season. Next Thursday is now the biggest game of the season. The next true test for this possibly defining season is how Miami responds to some notoriety. Lest we forget, last year Miami was one GaTech road win away from playing for the ACC title. 41-23 later, they were on their way to 7-6.

This is only one game. One huge game for the confidence of the team, yet only one game. Once all the adrenaline excitement wears off, I have extended excitement for the fact the ACC does not know how to schedule a season. When you win these way too early conference games, especially against the upper tier, it feels prettay good. Knowing Miami will be sitting one game prettier in the standings come November is a refresher.

How is this for a reality check? As of today, I think Miami loses to GaTech. Paul Johnson will exploit the holes in the Hurricanes’ defense with a game tape to learn from. Despite objections, the Yellow Jackets are better than FSU. Miami will have to decide if rushing only four players will suffice against the triple option. Please Randy do not instruct the players to go for the strip before tackling like last year’s debacle in Atlanta. We want pure tackling, Bend But Don’t Break, and let Jacory + Whipple do their thing. GaTech will not have the horses to run with Miami’s receivers. Keep ‘em close to the vest Lovett, and make them earn their touchdowns, and we got ourselves a possible win.

New realistic dream season? 10-2 regular season, lose only to soon to be unstoppable GaTech, and one random let down, narrowly miss the ACC title game, still picked for the BCS as an at large top 10 team. The opponent? Notre Dame. Miami gets to take it’s turn schellacking those wannabe quakers undeserving of a BCS bid. Go play some more lower tier BCS conference opponents and join a conference already.

The season looks brighter today.

“You know something JaScory, I think this just might be my masterpiece.”

0-4 can go fuck itself.

Found this beauty while searching through all my old posters. This one is so old, I was in second grade when it was commissioned. The Detroit Lions had their fair share of Hurricanes during their “heyday” of the early to mid ’90’s. Ryan McNeil held down one side, Brett Perriman caught 100 “scraps” a year as the #2 to Herman Moore, and Bennie Blades was the quiet Pro Bowler. This beaut even has a fake printed signature!

Obviously, this is an omen for a pick six tonight. Collect $200 in Daggumits as you pass Go.

Go Canes!

Miami 0-0 (0-0) @ Florida State 0-0 (0-0)

Doak Campbell Stadium

Tallahassee, FL

Three cowboys were sitting around the campfire one evening during the cattle drive. One was from Kansas, another from Wyoming, and the third from Texas.

As often happens among rough, tough men living rugged, hard lives, tall tales of bravado and manliness were exchanged.

The cowboy from Kansas said, “I’m the meanest, hardest hombre this side of the Pecos River. On the last roundup, a big Brahma bull got loose and gored six cowboys before I jumped on that big fella, wrestled him to the ground and hog-tied him all by my lonesome.”

The cowpoke from Wyoming gave a snort of disgust, spit out his wad of tobacco and claimed, “Why that’s nothing, just last Fall I was guiding a wagon train through Indian territory when a nest of rattlesnakes spooked my horse and I was thrown right smack dab in the middle of them. I had to grab ‘em all before I was bit. With both hands full of snake, the only way to kill them was to bite their heads off. Now tell me that ain’t the manliest thing you’ve ever heard.”

The Texan remained quiet, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.

That, my fellow Cane brethren, is exactly how I feel regarding this 2009 season. The Texan. Sitting, roasting his cock in the fire, listening to other tall men tell tales of grandeur, of bravado, of ACC titles and top 10 rankings, of difficult schedules and coaches with backup quarterbacks. Miami sits back, waits. People acknowledge the supposed talent on this team, but few acknowledge the ability of the players to play up to a decent (even 2-2) start.

Fans are already trying to run Randy Shannon out of town, a mere two years in. No coach in Miami’s proud history was given a worse combination of talent and expectations. Pessimistic fans are clamoring for a “2009 BCS bowl or bust” mentality. Optimistic fans are chanting “2010 serious national title contenders.” I am neither. I look forward to 2011-2018. Eight years, six top ten finishes, one national title, one national title loss, four ACC titles. I look forward to “The Program” being reestablished. The “State of Miami” residing once again in Coral Gables. Shit fools. Let Randy build something here.

The dreaded 0-4 is on everyone’s mind. Me? I’d be lying if I said I don’t think about it. It’s there. It’s in our faces. This season is make or break by the first week of October. That alone makes this the most exciting Canes’ season start in memory. Game 1 against FSU is the season. No way putzin’ around the facts. Spoiler alert! Miami will not start 4-0, and most likely will lose to Oklahoma. A win to begin is desperately needed, and I believe Miami is going to get that win. Jacory will step up, shine in the prime time Labor Day lights, running Whipple’s offense to (at least to our Nix’ian tainted eyes) perfection. The defense will be “flying around, hitting some people.”

Florida State returns its entire O-line. More importantly, they return a QB from a 9-4 team, who gained notoriety with a 30+ point bowl win. However, previous year’s bowl game results are consistently overrated. Too much turnover, too much lost mental momentum. The home crowd will keep it closer than actuality, just like the 2008 whooping FSU put on Miami. Jacory hits some early 2nd quarter downfield throws for big yards, we get some YAC, and the defense grabs one turnover to put the O in great field position for an easy score. Big first half lead, hold on for a closer than it seems win.

Official Prediction: Miami 34, Florida State 27