Miami 0-0 (0-0) @ Florida State 0-0 (0-0)

Doak Campbell Stadium

Tallahassee, FL

Three cowboys were sitting around the campfire one evening during the cattle drive. One was from Kansas, another from Wyoming, and the third from Texas.

As often happens among rough, tough men living rugged, hard lives, tall tales of bravado and manliness were exchanged.

The cowboy from Kansas said, “I’m the meanest, hardest hombre this side of the Pecos River. On the last roundup, a big Brahma bull got loose and gored six cowboys before I jumped on that big fella, wrestled him to the ground and hog-tied him all by my lonesome.”

The cowpoke from Wyoming gave a snort of disgust, spit out his wad of tobacco and claimed, “Why that’s nothing, just last Fall I was guiding a wagon train through Indian territory when a nest of rattlesnakes spooked my horse and I was thrown right smack dab in the middle of them. I had to grab ‘em all before I was bit. With both hands full of snake, the only way to kill them was to bite their heads off. Now tell me that ain’t the manliest thing you’ve ever heard.”

The Texan remained quiet, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.

That, my fellow Cane brethren, is exactly how I feel regarding this 2009 season. The Texan. Sitting, roasting his cock in the fire, listening to other tall men tell tales of grandeur, of bravado, of ACC titles and top 10 rankings, of difficult schedules and coaches with backup quarterbacks. Miami sits back, waits. People acknowledge the supposed talent on this team, but few acknowledge the ability of the players to play up to a decent (even 2-2) start.

Fans are already trying to run Randy Shannon out of town, a mere two years in. No coach in Miami’s proud history was given a worse combination of talent and expectations. Pessimistic fans are clamoring for a “2009 BCS bowl or bust” mentality. Optimistic fans are chanting “2010 serious national title contenders.” I am neither. I look forward to 2011-2018. Eight years, six top ten finishes, one national title, one national title loss, four ACC titles. I look forward to “The Program” being reestablished. The “State of Miami” residing once again in Coral Gables. Shit fools. Let Randy build something here.

The dreaded 0-4 is on everyone’s mind. Me? I’d be lying if I said I don’t think about it. It’s there. It’s in our faces. This season is make or break by the first week of October. That alone makes this the most exciting Canes’ season start in memory. Game 1 against FSU is the season. No way putzin’ around the facts. Spoiler alert! Miami will not start 4-0, and most likely will lose to Oklahoma. A win to begin is desperately needed, and I believe Miami is going to get that win. Jacory will step up, shine in the prime time Labor Day lights, running Whipple’s offense to (at least to our Nix’ian tainted eyes) perfection. The defense will be “flying around, hitting some people.”

Florida State returns its entire O-line. More importantly, they return a QB from a 9-4 team, who gained notoriety with a 30+ point bowl win. However, previous year’s bowl game results are consistently overrated. Too much turnover, too much lost mental momentum. The home crowd will keep it closer than actuality, just like the 2008 whooping FSU put on Miami. Jacory hits some early 2nd quarter downfield throws for big yards, we get some YAC, and the defense grabs one turnover to put the O in great field position for an easy score. Big first half lead, hold on for a closer than it seems win.

Official Prediction: Miami 34, Florida State 27