It’s not every day your 2nd biggest rival’s coach has a total meltdown. Quitting due to stress, then taking it all back, before you even have your retirement press conference? Here is the statement Urban Meyer should have released on Sunday:

“I would like to thank everyone for their concern for my well being. Especially ESPN, who I had to beg to stop sucking my dick so we could go ahead and schedule this darn press conference to begin with. I mean, when they said they were doing a special programming segment, just to me, I mean, gee, whiz, I don’t know what to say. Also, all that stuff I said about being under undue stress and chest pains and shortness of breath, and anything health related? Yeah, forget about that. Untrue. Don’t believe everything you hear. I’m fine. Yes, I did say I was retiring yesterday, but then I realized I could just take a really, really long vacation during the offseason, and not even miss a game! I mean, come on Jeremy Foley! Bring this up in our initial discussions! Anyhoo, don’t ask me about my health, it never happened. Steve Addazzio? Have fun with that one guy. I’m sure you know I will blame you through all the backchannels for the program’s slow ride back to the mean. Where’s my family? Oh there they are. Family, family, family. Faith, faith, faith. Family, family. Ok, I think you all realize where my priorities are. Thanks for coming.”

No apologizing here as we squeeze out as much juice from this Florida Gator as possible. Anyone with half a typical OB West End Zone IQ (over 70) would know you just take a leave of abscence, then re-evaluate the situation once you have stepped away. Meyer can never take back this indecision, and I love it!

Imagine you are out with your girlfriend and her close friends. You don’t necessarily dislike them, but at the same time you definitely would not hang out with them if you weren’t doing your girlfriend a favor. You’re pretty much putting in some quality ‘face time.’ You know what happens next? The questions start coming. Not the ones you are expecting. I am talking about the questions that are thrice as bad as “Who, What, Where.” I am talking “Where do you want to eat?” and “What bar do you want to go to?” You know what happens when females start asking each other these questions? Exactly. Nothing. Because women are indecisive. They cannot go out on a limb, be the bad guy and say “We are going here, you will all like it, enough of this bullshit, it has been ten minutes already of you four not deciding, oh yeah I forgot I’m not supposed to talk unless spoken to per my girlfriend’s unsaid orders.”

Here’s to Lane Kiffin starting some shit!

Miami 9-3 (5-3) vs. Wisconsin 9-3 (5-3)

Champs Sports Bowl

Citrus Bowl Stadium

Orlando, FL

I never take solace in the argument of conference superiority. Sure, you could claim that is because the two conference I have been affiliated with fan base wise, the ACC and Big 10, have for the past five years been atrocious. On the contrary, I have always been adamantly opposed to the ‘SEC! SEC!’ chants, or even Clemson players chanting ‘ACC! ACC!’ last night during the waning moments of their win over Kentucky. It is meaningless. Conference superiority is all circular, and everyone regresses back to the mean at some point.

I could not care less about Miami beating Wisconsin so I can say the Big 10 sucks. I don’t care what the rest of the ACC does in their bowl games. All I want is for Miami to win. The ACC can go 1-11 in bowl games, Miami can win the national title, and yes, all the other fans will claim the ACC sucks so it somehow taints the Hurricanes title. Uh, sorry, douchebags from the Slave States. Doesn’t work that way. A title is a title.

You never can tell what happens in a bowl game. Too much time off, motivation of the players can vary on the extremes. Is an upperclassman-loaded team worrying more about their draft stock than winning a meaningless late December exhibition? Does the tired young players just want to get back home for the rest of a long Miami private school winter break? You just never know. What I do know, is that the Hurricanes players have all been giving lip service to the 10 win mantra. I love it. 10 wins this year erases the blowout loss to Virginia Tech, and the two other conference losses to lesser talented teams. Guaranteed top 15 ranking next preseason, most likely top 10. Hopefully this motivation will carry Miami over whatever smash mouth gameplan Wisconsin comes out with.

Enough with this lip service from the Midwest Badgers about their team speed. If Wisconsin had Miami’s speed, they would be the Big 10 champs. Wisconsin is going to come out and run the ball, run it some more, throw play-action passes, and run the ball some more. The only way Wisconsin wins this game is if they take an early three score lead, minimum of 20 points, and Miami does their usual turnover show trying to scrape their way back into it. Even then, Miami only loses if they run out of time. I see Miami grabbing an early 7-0 lead, and no more scoring until the 3rd quarter, when Miami breaks the game open in Big 10 terms, and ends up with a two touchdown win.

Official Prediction: Miami 27, Wisconsin 10

They say the Devil’s spawn has no scent.

The Spear of Destiny has done it’s job once again.

Charlie Strong just slit his wrists.

10 wins in year three? AYYYYYYY!!!

When other people do the work for me, it makes an easy post. Part one here, part two here. You want some excitement to build upon before the bowl games goes down? Look no further…

Heather Dinich: Tell me more about what you guys started to do defensively down the stretch.

Randy Shannon: The thing that got us, the beginning of the season, we were lights-out on defense, besides Florida State. Georgia Tech we did a great job, Oklahoma did a great job, and then we started getting these injuries. We lost Ray Ray Armstrong at one point in time, we lost Joe Joseph, Jordan Futch, he was out, that hurt us big time with everything we were doing on special teams. And then we lost Sean Spence, and the defensive line was a rotation. When you keep losing defensive linemen and you’re trying to plug guys in, there’s no continuity. But I think the continuity came around the last four games of the season, it really started coming around. Third down we were getting off the field, maybe 65, 70 percent of the time, and it really started to show. They started to feel each other out a lot more towards the end.

I will always argue injuries are not an excuse. In 10 years the generic fan will not remember Oklahoma was without their Heisman winning QB all year. Injuries may not be an excuse, but they are a reason. They ruin seasons, and Miami’s defense was pretty awesome before all the dominoes went down. If Lovett can get them back to their early season peak for the entire 2010 season, we could all be in for a 2003 treat.

Left tackle Jason Fox, he of 47 career starts, will miss the Champs Sports Bowl after season ending knee surgery. While Fox is not exactly 1st round draft material, he still will be drafted, and if he ends up a respectable starter in The League, perhaps like Chris Meyers, there is nothing wrong with that. This season Fox has graded out admirably.

Through 11 games, Fox graded out at 96 percent with 20 pancake blocks and 15 lumberjacks and allowed just one sack on the season. He helped Miami rack up more than 4,500 yards, which is the most since the 2004 season (4,593 yards) as the Miami offense is in line to become just the eighth team in school history to gain 5,000 yards in a season. He graded out at 95 percent or higher in 10 of the 11 games.

The stat that really hit home was this year’s offense has the most yards since the 2004 squad. As in, wait a second, Brock Berlin was the QB that year, wasn’t he horrible? Most Hurricane fans forget, or refuse to acknowledge, that Berlin was actually very good his senior season.

2003 season (Junior): 2,419 yards, 12:17 TD:INT ratio

2004 season (Senior): 2,680 yards, 22:6 TD:INT ratio

As a stand alone year, Berlin’s senior campaign is not earth shattering. Compared to his 2003 debacle, however, and you have to be impressed at his progress. I think we forget how great and efficient Berlin was in 2004 because it was the first year in the ACC, and we all expected Miami to go undefeated in conference play. In reality, it was the beginning of Larry Coker’s inability to recruit and develop players, thereby depleting the depth of the team. You can beat the Big East with no 2nd string quality, but not the ACC. Did Berlin have bad games his senior year? Of course. The de facto ACC title game at home against Va Tech when the offense laid a 10 point egg definitely comes to mind. Nonetheless, three whoosh, whoosh cheers to Brock Berlin for going unrecognized for his high quality senior year play. A halfway decent coach wins 11 games that 2004 season with an offense that played better than this year’s unit.

Randy Shannon cannot be commended enough for building his program the right way. The same week The U Documentary gives the Hurricanes program a two hour recruiting infomercial, showcasing the bad boys of a long gone era, the current Canes have achieved a new standard in the classroom.

In case you missed it, Miami will share with Notre Dame the American Football Coaches’ Association award for academics. Both schools attained 100% graduation rates from their 2002 freshman classes. Looking at past winners, this award is no joke: Duke, Vanderbilt, Wake Forest, Notre Dame, Syracuse, Northwestern. Miami is finally gained recognition as being a top notch academic institution.

Compare that with Urban Meyer’s tenure at Florida, and his spin doctor comments regarding his atrocious arrest record:

“This group of players we have now are by and large a pretty good group. They are 18-to-22 years old and, like most young people, they are trying to find their way.

“It is a continual part of our program to mentor and guide our players and it is not an exact process. Although we have been very successful with most, we are by no means perfect. We are disappointed when we encounter some issues along the way, but we are going to continue to educate and teach our players.”

Really? Sure wish I could have just been “trying to find my way” while throwing snowballs at moving cars back in Michigan. Lets face it–if not for the Tebow Child, who is everything that is right with collegiate athletics (barf), Florida would be getting vilified for their arrest record under Meyer. Tebow hides it all.

Since Meyer has been hired at Gainesville, 24 arrests have occurred under his watch. More spin control from Florida’s athletic department:

●   Only three arrests from the last three recruiting classes (including 2009)
●   At least 14 of the charges were dropped in the 24 cases
●   14 of the 24 player arrests have been from players he did not recruit or were in his first recruiting class
●   The 24 arrests represents 19 different players

So you’re excuse is Urban Meyer didn’t recruit 58% of the players arrested? That’s nice. Randy Shannon has been at Miami two fewer years, meaning he recruited even less of the players on his roster. His arrest record? Two. Ryan Moore (misdemeanor battery) and Robert “Douchebag” Marve (resisting arrest without violence and criminal mischief). We all know Miami will forever be known as “Thug U.” The documentary this past weekend confirmed it. It’s high time Florida starts being recognized as “Trailer Park Trash U” for their transgressions off the field as well.

The hot daughter is in there somewhere.

The Herald spoke with a bunch of NFL scouts to see where some of this year’s seniors would shake out in next April’s NFL Draft:

• (Jimmy) Graham “is looking at the third or fourth round assuming he runs well and catches well at his pro day.” One team has him ranked 60th among all seniors.
• Two scouts disagreed about whether (Jason) Fox has the body to play left tackle in the NFL. “He’s not a big, thick guy. He might need to move inside,” one said. Said (NFL Draft expert Mike) Mayock: “Limited power, needs to get stronger. Most guys I talk to have him in the fourth, fifth round.”
• Mayock said “a lot of people like Javarris James because he can block” — though one scout said he wouldn’t draft him “because he can’t stay healthy. He doesn’t have the speed to consistently get outside.” . . . Cornerback Sam Shields “will run fast at Pro Day and could be a late draftable kid,” Mayock said. . . . One scout rated tight end Dedrick Epps as a mid-to-late-round prospect because of his receiving skills.
• Scout feedback on the top juniors: Allen Bailey “will be better in the NFL than college; second-rounder if he comes out now, could be top-10 pick if he stays” and improves; Orlando Franklin “could rise to a first- or second-rounder” if he plays well at left tackle for UM in 2010; Graig Cooper is a potential “third-rounder because of speed, versatility, return ability.”

Most fans are wondering if Bailey should leave this year, namely to restart the streak of 1st round picks for the Canes. Look, that streak was incredible, and always will be. To care about a semi-arbitrary record, when Bailey could be greatly needed on next year’s potential run for the national title, is something I will not agree with. Miami alums take care of themselves at the next level. In the NFL, every year is like a contract year if you are not a quarterback¹. I look at that scout’s breakdown of this year’s class and am ecstatic. Miami should have at least five players taken in this year’s draft, a fantastic showing in Randy Shannon’s third year. Bring back as many players as possible, get 11 or 12 wins next year, and then I’ll be happy to see Bailey and Brandon Harris taken in the 1st round, and we can all rejoice at the streak being broken a mere two years.

…

¹With the NFL labor agreement expiring this year, it would be the stupidiest move in the history of contracted labor talks if the players association doesn’t get some form of guaranteed money. Personally, I don’t want what the NBA has. You get 90% of the league playing hard once every five seasons; pretty much whenever they have a contract year or are in trade talks for an extension. I’d like to see something in between. An example 5 year deal: First two years guaranteed, third year 75% guaranteed, and the last two seasons 25% guaranteed, with a salary cap penalty to a team that cuts a player who is not injured.

Randy, please don’t tear down your sand castles. Remember Jimmy, Randy. Remember Jimmy.

As usual with all this fantastic documentary footage, hit to Rak on tur.

Looking closely at the Big Ten logo you can see the eleven sandwiching the ‘T.’ Ah, I get it now Jim Delany. You cleverly hid your actual team number in your logo, now no one can make fun of your inability to count. Works every time. I’d imagine the conversation will go like this in 18 months when they finally add their 12th member.

INT. Office in Chicago.

Big 10 Board Members: Mr. Delany, now that we have our coveted 12th team, what should we call the conference?

Jim Delany: The Big Ten. Who asked that question? Was it that woman sitting there? How stupid are you? All women are stupid. You’re fired.

Big 10 Board Members: Well, uh, sir, we thought this might be the opportune time to rename our conference. To not be the butt of basic arithmetic jokes.

Jim Delany: What? Why? What are you talking about? We’re the Big TEN. We have TEN members. Am I the only non-idiot sitting here? Who pays you guys?

Big 10 Board Members: Sir, um, we added an 11th team in 1990. They started conference play in 1993. Everyone makes fun of us.

Jim Delany: Why did no one tell me this when I took this job? I bet it was you, woman. Fine, we got 12 teams now, now we’re the Big 12. How many problems do I have to solve for you miscreants?

Big 10 Board Members: Sir, well, uh, we can’t use that name.

Jim Delany: What? Why not? We have twelve teams. Now we’re the Big 12. Is that woman going to order us some lunch? I’ll take a fish taco with extra guac.

Big 10 Board Members: Sir, we can’t use that name because there is a conference that already uses that name.

Jim Delany: What! That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Why did no one tell me this? I put a copyright out on ‘Big’ in 1999! Is the legal system broken in this country now as well!?

Big 10 Board Members: Sir, they have been in existence since 1996. Unfortunately, we cannot use that moniker. We need to think of a name before the press conference in one hour.

Jim Delany: I’ve got it. You all ready for this masterpiece? Listen up……the Bigger 12. Huh? Huh?! Woman in the corner who shouldn’t be here, high five! Oh, and hurry up on that lunch order. I’m hungry.

End scene.

So the big, bad, “wannabe SEC but doesn’t know it” Big Ten wants another team? Where were you guys five years ago? They should have piggybacked the ACC raping the football Big East to swoop in and take Pittsburgh. It would have been a side note to the overall negative attitude of Miami and Virginia Tech selling out. Now they will look and sound desperate to every prospective suitor.

In a perfect Big Ten world they get Notre Dame. Considering nothing is perfect, that isn’t happening. My opinion is the Big Ten should go in the opposite direction of the status quo. They should go after a basketball school, namely Syracuse. Rich football tradition, potential to be good again, but a powerhouse on the hardwood. Adding another nationally prominent basketball school would do more for the conference than giving Penn State an in-state rivalry with Pittsburgh that JoePa cannot schedule out of.

In my own perfect world, the Big East sees this potential raid of Pitt/Rutgers/Cincinnati, and goes on the offensive. You are the least respected BCS football conference. Time to demand some respect. Go buy Penn State from the Big Ten. They belong in the Big East geographically, and no one would care they if left the Big Ten because it would put them back at 10 teams. Penn State is an easy two wins a year in basketball, so no threat there. The conference would take back the market share of a historically talent rich state in Pennsylvania. Why wouldn’t Penn State be dying to do this? They could become the next 1990s version of Miami. They would own the Big East. Why this is not being considered is beyond me.

I don't like abortions because they might turn out to be great mediocre QBs who I make awesome and build my reputation on! Pro-choice! Pro-choice!

Per my usual scheduling conflicts, I am late the ball on many major college football news items. Not that is hurts my opinions; in fact, it lets them sink in longer, and eradicates the knee-jerk reactions that many subpar bloggers succeed with in being mediocre.

I did a quick search of my site’s beginnings, and found this Nostradamus gem of a post–Brian Kelly to stay at Cincinnati, and who cares because Notre Dame will be open next year! I’ll admit, predicting Charlie “FUPA” Weis being fired one year prior to his dismissal is not of the Mayan 2012 variety. Yet, I will still add it to the factors in my claim I know more college football than you. I had another previous post on Brian Kelly to Notre Dame last December, prior to this site going all Canes, all the time. No doubt nobody read that, so if you want, check it out. I’ll borrow one bit from that post, of my favorite all time NFL player, for selfish reasons.

Because no one saw it last year

Now let me address the situation at hand–Brian Kelly finally being hired at Notre Dame. A friend of mine always debates Notre Dame is past its prime. They are done, never to be good again. His opinion has merit, at least in an objective sense. Being a Syracuse alum, he says “I have no reason to be subjective or bias. My team sucks anyways.” Valid point.

While I agree with his point, that Notre Dame is not what it used to be, I still feel the right coach can turn the program back into a national powerhouse. Not the pseudo variety Charlie Weis and Bob Davie accomplished, unjustly qualifying for BCS bowl games only to be embarrassed with everything except their television market share. Recently I read that, sans Tyrone Willingham, every time Notre Dame has hired a coach with previous collegiate coaching success, they have won a national title with said coach. That’s rather remarkable when you think about it. Funny that Notre Dame has been unable to hire a coach for the past 15 years with any sort of college success, but the main point is remarkable as well.

Brian Kelly finally confirming the predicted inevitable of being hired will let the entire country know if my said Orange alum friend is correct. If Urban Meyer stupidly went to South Bend instead of Gainesville five year ago, we would already know. Does Meyer win two national titles already? Of course not. At the same time, I think he still wins one before he would have left, assuming he stuck around for a decade or more.

Meyer is like most college coaches, football or basketball. Stock pile your roster with the best, fastest, most agile players in the country, don’t fuck it up, and win lots of games. Mack Brown and Roy Williams will have stadiums named after themselves by sticking to this exact career path. Randy Shannon is following this strategy, and I couldn’t be happier. For all intents and purposes, you don’t want that coach who is an actual coaching genius. What happens when he leaves? Do you think Cincinnati actually has great players, or the ability for the new coach to now recruit them? They will go back to being the Big East’s whipping boys, able to spring maybe one conference upset a year. Therein lies the Brian Kelly factor.

Brian Kelly has never had good players since coming to D1. Yes, at D2 Grand Valley State he had the best players in the country. Why? Because he spent a decade there building the program, and by the time he left, every fringe D1 prospect who wanted guaranteed playing time, and every Midwestern player who was unhappy where he was at transferred to play for Kelly. He took that talent and won two straight D2 titles, with a title game loss the year prior. Since then, Kelly has only coached subpar talent. Central Michigan does not need to be discussed, as we now what the MAC produces on a yearly basis. Cincinnati? Go ask any NFL scout how many players from that team, today, will ever make it to a starting position in the NFL. I doubt he can give you half a handful. Tony Pike is not an NFL prospect. All those claiming he was a hidden gem, please, stop. College recruiters are not complete idiots, as most are wont to say. They know talent. Pike was blessed to be given the greatest offensive play caller in the past decade, and a good head coach to boot (unlike FUPA Weis).

This is the crux of my argument in believing Brian Kelly will finally “Return to Glory®” (since 1993) the once proud Notre Dame program. Kelly has never experienced the type of talent he will get just by showing up at a kid’s house with the ND emblem on his chest. If he can take a bunch of second tier miscreants from a commuter school, in a state owned by a traditional powerhouse, just think what he can do with South Bend’s allure on his side. This is not to say Kelly will start pumping out one national title win after another. The best players per capita will always reside in the South and Southwest, which means the Florida’s and Texas’ of the world will never have less talent. I believe Notre Dame’s ceiling, until proven otherwise, is to consistently qualify for BCS games, and actually play USC in a toss up of who will win. They perhaps can win one national title in a ten year window; the clouds always part for the well-coached independent school. Look at USC–if they played the top two teams of every conference, outside the Pac 10, they probably go undefeated every year and win by two touchdowns. Instead, they play teams that are used to their style, know how to beat them, pick off coaches from Carroll’s staff and use their knowledge to their advantage. Crappy conference teams have a way of beating the juggernauts.

Assuming Notre Dame becomes great again, it will cause the media to do their normal overhyping of the program. More importantly, for fans of teams like USC, Texas, and hopefully soon Miami, it will under-hype the opponents. I’d love nothing more than for Miami and Notre Dame to meet in the BCS title game, preferably the Orange Bowl, and have the entire nation wondering how any team, let alone one coached by Randy Shannon, could beat the unstoppable genius of Brian Kelly. By 30. In the sweaty rain. While taunting the 70% Irish crowd and causing them to hallucinate their 1980s memories to the forefront of their conservative brains.

If Kelly does indeed accomplish what many think he can, not implausible given his track record, Urban Meyer will rue the day he twice turned down Notre Dame. Yes, I said twice. Officially in 2004, and we all know his agent was contacted and told to tell Meyer the job is his if he wants it, and money is no object. He turned it down. Now imagine this: Brian Kelly rights this ship, competes for national titles, and even if he never wins one, an .800+ winning percentage over 10+ years will cause for erecting a statue in his honor. Urban Meyer can win another five titles in Gainesville, and he will always be kept warm at night. He doesn’t even use a blanket. Steve Spurrier’s shadow is all the warmth that he needs.

What a film! If you were not a Miami Hurricanes fan before seeing that documentary, you at least have to admit some appreciation for everything they did for that entire decade. Miami did things that will never be repeated in college football, whether you want to argue because of scholarship rules, their independent status, or the fact America is going down a very Conservative Right boring ass lane to boringville each and every year.

Did anyone tell Drunk Bernie Kosar® that this is permanent? What is shot on film stays around forever? Maybe take a detox rehab course two weeks prior to filming to at least lose the bloated cheeks for the cameras?

Jimmy once again showing everyone how great he really was. He was the best overall coach to run Miami, and unlike other HCs, he deserved every bit to leave the program for greener pastures. Dennis Erickson knew all along Miami was just a stop gap to the NFL. He saw Jimmy do it, and knew he could live off his success for a few years and do the same. Butch Davis is the one I lament. He never should have left Miami; never should have even considered it. He built the program back up from probation, and could have just finished his 14th season in Coral Gables. Now Randy Shannon will take everything Butch left on the table as his own.

How about Howard Schnellenberger choking up as he talks about leaving Coral Gables?! Nearly brought tears to my eyes. That great man knows what he left behind, and seeing his head bowed in absolute regret, you couldn’t help but feel his sadness. This documentary seemed to bring everything he has probably thought about on a daily basis out into the open. He built the most fascinating, crazy, balls to the wall program in the history of college football, all from nothing. This man built Rome in five years, became their Caesar, and left before the clay was dry on his statue. You know it eats at him every year, every day, every moment, because he has tried to replicate the situation twice. Both at Louisville and now FAU, he has built football programs from the ashes or kindling, but he knows nothing will ever compare to what he had with his State of Miami. My friends, that is about as sad as Ennis Del Mar holding Jack Twist’s blue jean shirt.

Regardless, I’ll be watching it again today, and perhaps again the next day.

One last reminder. Tomorrow night. Somebody vote for Vinny again so he can get more than Tebow.

Finally, one school is getting smart. Virginia just hired Mike London, the current coach at FCS Richmond, to take over for NFL retread Al Groh. When you are not a traditional football power, it is always best to hire from a lower conference, or even a lower division, save lots of money on the first contract, and let the coach prove himself. Even more important, you have to hire a winner. I cannot emphasize this enough.

Brian Kelly and Jim Tressel are the two obvious examples of my point. You go grab a coach, even from a lower division, but one who is a winner. A coach who has won national titles. Mike London was 24-5 in two years at Richmond, including a national title in 2008. He has worked at UVA under Groh previously, no doubt a strike against him, but I’m sure he can forget all he learned from the old coot.

I’ve always thought the state of Virgina should have more than one team competing for national titles, let alone conference titles. Virginia gets loads of top tier talent, even more so recently. Take a gander:

Ronald Curry

Michael Vick

Marcus Vick

Aaron Brooks

Ahmad Brooks

Gaines Adams

Chris Long

Percy Harvin

Jerrell Powe

Brandon Minor

Dedrick Epps

Jacoby Ford

Evan Royster

Tyrod Taylor

Ryan Williams

Now that is one hell of a list! You put together a team with half those recent guys, and you are competing for the ACC title. The Virginia football all-time list would be incomplete without significant mention of Allen Iverson, the best basketball and football in state history. You watch this clip and wonder why Iverson didn’t go to a school with a football team.

All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy. All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy. All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy. All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy. All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy. All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy. All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy. All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy. All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy. All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy. All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy. All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy. All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy. All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy.

All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy.

All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy.

All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy.

All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy.

All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy.

All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy.

All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy.

All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy.

All season and 9 wins makes Anton a dull boy.

Can we get that 10th win please? Thanks.

The very under appreciated columnist Dan Le Batard has unearthed himself from his radio show and PTI backup duties to give us a gem of an article on the public perception state of the Miami program. If you enjoy anything regarding the Hurricanes, it’s worth a read.

I love Le Batard’s work; radio, televsion, and columns. When he fills in for Wilbon and becomes the comedy foil for Kornheiser, I can’t get enough of the “Bam!” There is something to be said for the guy who knows his job is to be made fun of and be hated by the public, yet still nails it every time.

Now onto some new anecdotes of those brash and cocky teams:

• Before a game against Florida State, defensive tackle Cortez Kennedy had to be restrained because he thought it would be funny to punch Renegade, the Seminole horse.
• UM safety Charles Pharms — who wore all black on game days because he was in mourning for the opponent, his T-shirt reading, “Shut up, bitch!” — was so unintimidated by the caged tiger placed outside the UM locker room at a drunk and roaring Louisiana State that he stuck his arm inside the bars and sang “Coochie-coo!” before trampling that tiger’s team by a score of 44-3.
• Notre Dame’s Tim Brown admits now, all these years later, that the only time he was ever terrified playing football was against Miami — not because of the Orange Bowl noise or even the Hurricane talent but because of what he feared Miami’s players might do to him in the parking lot after the game.

Have to say I love the Tim Brown admission the most. It should be noted that Ed Reed and Andre Johnson were not fans of that previous teams’ behavior. No one’s gospel means more than number 2-0.

It’s fun to think about it now, 20 years later, and laugh at all the things these players used to do. But, yeah, I think I would be slightly embarrassed, or at a loss for words, when trying to explain these antics to opposing fans. You can’t. For the record, I don’t care how you win. In college you can use the Spread, Wing-T, or A-11 for all I care. You can be brash, cocky, or throw for a touchdown when your rival tries to antagonize you with a meaningless timeout. That said, it will always be more satisfying to win when you do it without the “antics,” as Randy Shannon called his teams of yesteryear.

"Can somebody get me a goddamn halftime I.V.?? I'm dying here!"

Seems Florida coach Urban Meyer was treated for dehydration after the beatdown the Dark Lord Saban gave him Saturday afternoon. I think this pretty much confirms it; Meyer was off in a corner Georgia Dome office crying his eyes out. Was it because he knows his impending doom now that his once in a generation QB will no longer be around to save his ass on seemingly every 3rd down? Perhaps because he was finally hit with assistant coach attrition, and he knows only more is to come? Or maybe it was tears of anger at himself for not firing Charlie Strong at halftime? I guess we will never know.

Here’s to Urban Meyer getting better. He can’t take the Notre Dame job if he is slobbering all over himself.

Rank	Team	Delta
1	Alabama	2
2	Texas
3	TCU	2
4	Cincinnati	1
5	Florida	1
6	Boise State
7	Oregon
8	Georgia Tech
9	Ohio State
10	Virginia Tech	1
11	Pittsburgh	1
12	Iowa
13	LSU
14	Miami (Florida)	2
15	Stanford	1
16	Penn State	1
17	Oklahoma State	2
18	Brigham Young	4
19	Utah	4
20	Southern Cal	5
21	Oregon State	3
22	Clemson	2
23	Central Michigan	2
24	Nebraska
25	Arizona
Last week’s ballot

Dropped Out: Houston (#21).

-What a finish. It’s a shame TCU is not in a BCS conference, because then we could have a real argument about their inclusion in the title game. As the system is set up now, it’s not even worth discussing. TCU’s top 3 wins all match up better than Texas’, but not by much. After that the Longhorns have the decided edge. TCU needed Clemson to win the ACC.

-I stand strong behind my spot for Florida. I know most here will put a one loss Florida ahead of both TCU and Cincinnati, and I feel that is ridiculous. Florida has not beaten one (I repeat, one) good team. Their best win is against LSU, who was a joke this year. The argument that the middle of the SEC is better than any other conference’s middle tier is laughable. Again, this has been my argument against the “SEC is hands down the best conference” since 2006. Granted, the best teams have been from the SEC since 2006. However, when those best teams get a near guaranteed ticket to simply not lose twice (or in LSU’s case, just lose in triple overtime) in conference, then beat their most likely overrated SEC title game opponent (Arkansas ‘06, Alabama ‘08, Florida ‘09) and punch that ticket to the BCS title game, that is when I fault the media and the system. I don’t necessarily want a playoff. It will not be what any of us want, as we all want different playoff formats. If we are talking reality, something that could actually occur, I want to just go back to the pre-Bowl Alliance days. Conferences have tie-ins to specific bowls, and there are at-large teams, and it’s just a free for all to vote on the title game winner. Bowl games will try harder to match up top teams; only the Rose Bowl would still be the idiots not bending their rules. Right now, regardless of match-ups, no one really cares about any BCS game that is not the championship. I am a huge college football fan, and sometimes I even forget to watch the Sugar or Fiesta Bowl, because I know it doesn’t matter outside of wins and losses. Utah beating Alabama last year did nothing for the little guys this year. Don’t try to argue it did. However, if we had the old system, Florida could still destroy their bowl opponent and coupled with an Alabama loss could split the title with Texas. I say bring back the chaos post bowl games.

"Where's my agent? Somebody tell him to send that saved text draft to Notre Dame."

Yes, Florida is imminently better than Miami this year, and has been since about 2006. I am still going to jab this fucker deep into their thigh, hope it gets infected, but takes four long, slow weeks of gangrene to die.

This game result means Florida does not ride Tim Tebow to a seamless transition to a post-Tebow program. Florida does not win an unprecedented 3 out of 4 years. Most importantly, it means Florida does not come within one national title of Miami’s five.

Side note: props to Tebow for his post game interview. Very classy. Spoke up Alabama and their fans. Know who we didn’t see interviewed after the game? Urban Cryer. Go negative recruit some more and lie to 18 year olds.

Side note deuce: What’s the over/under for the amount of times ESPN will show the George Teague strip play from the 1993 Sugar Bowl? Too many, that’s what.

For all his ups and downs, all the lunatic interceptions, the arrogant deep balls, the phone calls of utter frustration to my Canes Consiglieri, Jacory Harris actually had one of the best passing seasons in Hurricane history. Some quick hitters from the UM Sports Information Director post game USF report:

JACORY JOINS ELITE GROUP: With 162 yards passing today, sophomore quarterback Jacory Harris moved into sole possession of fifth place on the school’s all-time single-season passing yards with 3,165.

MORE HARRIS: Jacory Harris also moved up the single-season charts in several other passing categories today.

• With two touchdown passes, he moved into a tie for sixth place for most TD passes in a single season (23).
• With 11 completions, he moved into fourth place for most completions in a single season (226).
• With 21 passing attempts, he moved into sixth place for most passing attempts in a single season (377).

Harris is only behind names like Dorsey, Testaverde, Erickson, and Kosar. And they were all upperclassmen. I think we all forget how great this season really was for Miami’s offense. They did not lose to a lesser talented team, unlike many years prior. All losses but one came down to the last two minutes. If you want to think on the optimistic side, if not for many injuries to the first string on the defense, Miami could have won some of those games, blown out more opponents they should have, like Duke or UCF.

The compass only points North for Harris and Whipple, and the entire Miami offense. Once the defense stops bending and starts breaking the other team, in the form of turnovers and therefore short fields for the offense, then we will start having some fun.

Next Saturday, in a very cush timeslot after the most boring awards show of the year, ESPN will show their best documentary to date. The U, about the rise of Miami Hurricanes football juxtaposed with the rise of the race relations in Miami, already has me excited to the brim. I have been waiting to watch this since first hearing about it last spring.

The interviews will no doubt be top notch, as I believe only Randy Shannon and Paul Dee are the notable names not on the list. For a mid 20’s Canes fan as myself, who really can only read about the notorious 1980s teams, this will finally shine a light on the attitude that permeated the entire program for over a decade.

For more info about the doc, or the main guy behind it, check out Billy Corben’s site Rak on tur’.

"Dammit, I was told by Bill that my FUPA would guarantee 10 wins a year."

I remember back in 1996 (I think) when Notre Dame refused a bowl bid, possibly the Independence Bowl or something like that. It was a big deal at the time, because no school but Notre Dame would ever consider declining a bowl bid. This of course, is the school that had no shame whatsoever accepting a Fiesta Bowl bid in 1994 with a 6-5-1 record. But, when your two possible bowl destinations are Detroit in December or Birmingham, Alabama any time of the year, I don’t blame them for saying no.

Can we stop pretending Notre Dame is a top flight program now? If not for having their own archaic network deal with NBC, signed in the early ’90s, the Golden Domers would be as irrelevant as the rest of the Big East they would have joined back in 1997. When you can’t even get a call back from the top three on your fantasy coaching wish list, it’s time to rethink your expectations. A behind the scenes call should have happened to Bob Stoops and Urban Meyer, if the AD seriously thought he could lure them away from their incredible salaries and proximity to talent rich recruiting states. Notre Dame must like being publicly embarrassed. You knew there was zero chance Stoops was coming; he has no ties to Notre Dame, and has never said he wants to coach there. Meyer on the other hand, you at least had the Lloyd Christmas “So you’re saying there’s a chance” chance, because regardless of how many times Meyer denies it, his ultimate ego trip would be to win a national title in South Bend.

Still, the odds were against them in both cases. Work the various back channels, confirm their “no” answers, and hire Brian Kelly in a public relations positive extravaganza. Instead, Notre Dame has already made it look like Kelly will be there fifth or sixth choice, after you add Jon Gruden, Tony Dungy, Knute Rockne, and Vince Lombardi to the wish list. I say this with complete seriousness: why don’t they ask Lou Holtz if he wants to come back? Notre Dame is all about waking up the echoes, well, he was your last coach who could yell loud enough to echo. Every time I watch one of his ridiculous motivaitonial speeches, I can see how 18-22 year old would play for this guy and want to win. Screw it, go ask Lou Holthsz if he wants to come back. Notre Dame is all about appearances, and like most tradition rich Midwestern schools (I’m looking at you Michigan), they care more about looking good to their 80 year old fans than winning games.

I was hoping a tiny bit Miami would get to stomp on Notre Dame’s corpse in the Gator Bowl, but with their 6-6 record and Bowden’s retirement both making that a near impossibility, I say great for you Fighting Irish. Don’t go to a bowl game. Don’t expose your potential first round picks to another national audience, thereby helping recruiting. Don’t give your players more practice time, thereby helping your coach next year. Don’t give Brian Kelly a near month to help you win your bowl game, as he did when hired at Cincinnati. Sometimes, it’s fun watching idiots do idiotic things.

Yes, this news is old. I was in London this past week, thereby unable and/or unwilling to post on this news item, let alone anything else of note. Even though this blog focuses on Miami, when your #1 rival’s only head coach ever is forced out, it’s opinion worthy.

Now, all those claiming Bowden was not forced out, that this was a true retirement, please spare me your breath. This guy would have “coached” until he died on the sideline.

“I was kind of hoping to get another year,” Bowden said to begin the show. “It was going to be either this year or next year. That was as far as I was going to go.”

If you grew up on the unstoppable Noles teams of the 90s, as I did, and truly loathed them for this fact, you can name their starting QBs in succession in a matter of seconds. Charlie Ward begat Danny Kanell, who begat Thad Busby, who begat Chris Weinke. Florida State pretty much created the “QB stud doesn’t play until his Junior year” rule, and then was awesome for two seasons. Michigan did the same thing for the majority of the 90s, and both them and FSU proved the practice as a successful one. Michigan had Elvis Grbac, Todd Collins, Brian Greise, Tom Brady, Drew Henson. What killed both Florida State’s and Michigan’s run of greatness? The first year both teams didn’t have upperclassmen starting QBs. For Michigan it was when Henson stupidly decided to leave football his junior season for the Yankees. For Florida State, it was when Chris Rix was given the job as a true freshman, never to relinquish it as he was always just good enough and thereby always had more experience than his competition to beat him out. You get a QB who starts as a true frosh, and you end up scaring away other great QBs, with transfers and late recruiting switches.

Before I get into any of the problems Bowden has created in the past 10 years, let me first recognize what he did. Lest we all forget, his Seminole teams were disgustingly brilliant. They destroyed the ACC so effortlessly, the conference has still not recovered in the national media. Even I still consider the ACC a lesser conference, namely because I remember that no team, literally, could ever beat Florida State, and that was embarrassing. But really, perhaps Florida State was just that good. Bowden also beat up on Steve Spurrier, back when he put a whooping on the entire SEC. The last 10 years notwithstanding, Bobby Bowden was an incredible coach, and did a fantastic job of managing the egos of his many assistant coaches and the personalities of the poor black youth that made his teams near unstoppable.

The most notable stat from Bowden’s tenure is his 14 consecutive year run of finishing in the top five of the rankings. 1987-2000, his teams never dropped below #5. Unreal. However, when you have the opinion I did (and still do) of the ’90s ACC teams, you took that streak with a grain of shit. As in, Florida State got to beat eight shit teams each year to pad their record, playing only Miami and Florida each year to drop a potential game. No, the stat I think best shows Bobby Bowden’s excellence is the following: during his 14 year run, his record in bowl games was 11-3, with all three losses in national title games. And lets not act subjective here. If Weinke is not hurt in the ‘98 title game, FSU destroys Tennessee. Anyways, regardless of how the breaks fell, that bowl record is uncanny. It completely refutes the padding of the record in the ACC. Florida State would obliterate their new conference opponents, and then do the same against the best competition of the nation on neutral sites. Bowden’s overall bowl record, counting the past 10 years of ineptitude, is still near untouchable at 20-9-1.

Knowing and experiencing all of this, I always figured that once Bowden had gotten too old to at least throw his hand in their once in awhile, his program started to die. Meaning, right around the time Chris Rix showed up. Not so, I was told. Seems a friend of mine who works in South Florida television got the scoop. From whom you ask? Well, none other than Danny Kanell. That’s right, the QB from 1994-95. He said even back when he played, Bowden didn’t do shit. A surprise definitely, but not a shock. Mark Richt should be backdated all those wins from 1994-2000. It is obvious now, but it took until about 2005 until the entire nation realized that Richt leaving for Georgia was the catalyst for Florida State’s demise. I’ve stated this before about Miami’s defense, but I will again. Defensive coaching in college football is overrated, at least when compared to the offense. To be great on defense in college, you just need the best players. Simple as that. Florida State, for the entire ’90s, had the best players. Mickey Andrews didn’t slow down, he just stopped getting the best players.

What does all this mean for the future of Florida State football? Not much, for now. Jimbo Fisher will completely clean house, as he should. Right now, if I was an FSU fan, I’d be arguing to get rid of Fisher, open the job to the market. Fisher was once the nation’s darling of offensive coordinators, but he hasn’t exact lit the Doak on fire these past three years. Sure, he has been better than Jeff Bowden, but that is like saying I feel better this week than last, when I had diarrhea coming out of my ears.

This is not to say Jimbo Fisher cannot turn things around in Tallahassee. None of us truly know his capabilities, because he was handcuffed his entire time there. Mickey Andrews, Chuck Amato, and Bobby Bowden were all throwing their chef hat into the kitchen. Once Fisher rids himself of all the outside forces imposing on his program, there’s no telling the ceiling.

The only question is if there is enough players in Florida to fill three top 10 programs. I’ve always argued that any talent rich state, such as Texas, California, or Florida, can only sustain enough top flight talent for two schools to compete for national titles. Once Texas and Oklahoma became great again, Texas A&M went by the wayside almost immediately. Never has all three Sunshine State schools been national title contenders at the same time. In the ’80s Florida sucked, in the ’90s Miami sucked, in the ’00s FSU and Miami have been bad. Think of any year one of the three teams even just played in the national title game, and there was only one other of the three who were good that year. Never fails. This means that Jimbo Fisher needs to either recruit his ass off to start stealing these players from the Gators and Canes, or perhaps build a pipeline to nearby states like Louisiana and Alabama. Of course, Nick Saban owns those states, so it’s not like he can just put his flag down and claim it, Boomer Sooner style. As a Hurricane fan, I would be much more worried if Jimbo Fisher was given full reigns back in 2007 when his stock was at it’s peak. Now, three years into his tenure as OC, Fisher has to show me he is capable of out recruiting Randy Shannon and Urban Meyer. I’m not sure that he can.

Ultimately, Bobby Bowden would have been better served to feign an illness back after the 2000 title game loss to Oklahoma. Sure, Paterno would have easily won the overall wins battle, but history would remember Bowden didn’t have to coach another decade to pad his stats like JoePa has. There is a reason Bowden has a statue outside Doak Campell Stadium. He built a program at a women’s school, in a city and area of Florida no one wants to live. However, knowing now this past decade of turmoil, and the seemingly clear Mark Richt’s advantage of the entire 1990s, Bowden will now be remembered as the coach who stayed too long, and refused to give in to outsiders making any claims against himself or his family.

All you impatient Randy Shannon haters, take note. Even sub teachers win at Miami.

Robert Bailey: “Having Dennis Erickson as coach was like having a substitute teacher come in. When a substitute teacher comes in, everyone is rowdy.”

Too bad Larry Coker’s teaching degree was for retards.